I hope that as time passes on we will begin to think rationally about clear ways to protect our children, our most valuable blessings. While we cannot possibly shield our children from all evil and negative things, I know as a parent that it is my power, my control, my right, my utter obligation to raise my children and protect them.  I hope that the loss of innocent children will ignite an honest look at our seemingly willing obliviousness. Blame is the first thing to get tossed around. Blame media, guns, violence, mental illness, and the list goes on. So let’s get real about it-

Mental Illness-I have seen firsthand the horrible and apathetic status of the mental health system in this country. In our zeal to preserve rights to those with special needs and not offend, we have created a system of zero responsibility by default. As a foster parent, we had children in our home who will someday be Adam Lanza or the CO theater shooter. When an adorable four year old pulls knives to other children’s throats or throws the baby down the stairs because they didn’t get the snack they wanted, something is broken inside. This child needed intensive, inpatient treatment. His psychiatrist described him as “Macauley Caulkin’s character in The Good Son”. He would be wonderfully normal to everyone, smiling and happy, then when your back was turned he would take his little sister and shove her in the closet and just begin beating her until she bleed from her lip. This child is now a teenager. He will be in prison someday, he will kill soon. The system turned their back on him. Stating his age and “he is just a child”. All fragmented thoughts of soon-to-be killers are formed  in childhood. We just don’t want to believe it. We want to see the beautiful child with wonderful potential. We don’t want to see the evil, tearing thoughts that were borne in the horrible depravity that he endured his first three years of life at the hands of a meth mother and absent, imprisoned, banger father.  Scars so deep that only intense, expensive therapy will ever put the healing salve he needed to move forward and feel life normal.  But the state said no. Too expensive, not enough money, too much time. They will spend the money. A whole lot more money when he sits in prison for the better part of his adult life for the loss of innocent life.

Violence and Media-Parents, this is your zone. Be a parent. Don’t relegate or willingly pass off your right to be the parent. You decide what is appropriate for your home.  With open conversation you can determine the level of violence you believe is safe for your kids. Doing this requires a real relationship with your children. An active, vocal, consistent relationship that is open to a talk about what they just heard on the news or the ability to come and ask without a fight, yelling, or condemnation in some form. We want our children to learn to be adults. As they grow up, our involvement should wean itself and they should be maturing in a manner that is responsible and trustworthy. This does not happen by itself! It takes work every day by parents! Have you listed everything you want your child to be able to do by themselves as adults? Make a list. Not a dream sheet of what you want them to be. A real list-how to balance a checkbook, how to give to charity wisely, how to do laundry, how to avoid peer pressure, how to be respectful, how to control anger even if you are right, the list goes on. Then work backwards. When should a child learn this concept? By age 16, we expect our teens to become responsible drivers. But, what are we doing to prepare the responsible part far before 16? Think about it.  As a future teacher, I see high school students who don’t tell me their ideas not because they think they are wrong, but because a parent, an adult in authority, has never asked them before, never taken the time to listen and hear. Our children are capable of so many things. It is up to us how we harness those things-good and bad. We build the channels that our children swim in, why not make them a productive swim? Not a serene float down the river on a plush yacht or a near-drowning rapid deluge that never seems to end.  A rigorous swim full of options to engage and build up the child with a capable canoe, life vest, and efficent paddles. Think about the words you say to your child or lack of words. It speaks so many more volumes. 

Guns-Weapons are here to stay whether we like it or not. Weapons will be needed in the hands of every police officer, secret service, security or other personnel trained to use a weapon. Outlawing anything only demands compliance. The sheer nature of outlawing anything begs the question of why it should be outlawed in the first place. Criminals will find a way no matter how hard you put up barriers, walls, rules, laws. Inmates in prison are supposedly secluded. They have cell phones, drugs, and alcohol. These are not allowed but somehow they have access to it. How? Because if someone doesn’t regard the law it truly does not matter how much we put up barriers, they will find a way. 

Tragedy is awful. It is horrendous. I cannot possibly imagine the heartache. I am states away and I feel a heaviness of heart. I propose you turn the finger pointing around. Look at yourself, your heart, your actions. What are you doing to encourage or discourage? Parent-are you actively involved in your kid’s life? Do they see it by your actions and attitude? Or is it barely there, a mute interaction only conducted by the shuffling through the house or the yell to do the chores? What are you doing to help others? Are you investing in people or possessions? Seriously think. Don’t justify your actions and I won’t justify mine. No one is perfect but there is hope and second chances. Don’t give up on you children or your country. There will always be an option towards redemption, it just depends how much you really value it.